Why it’s important for men to cry

In this weeks blog, Tim Mehrtens, Director at My Everyday Wellbeing shares why suppressing tears is not the best option when it comes to staying mentally healthy.

We need to stop telling men they aren’t allowed to cry or that it makes them ‘less of a man’.

Crying is a natural response humans have to a range of emotions, including sadness, grief, happiness, and frustration. However, many people, especially men, try to suppress tears because they perceive them as a sign of weakness. Experience has taught me that this isn’t the best option.

From a very young age, I learnt and was taught the societal expectation that ‘real men don’t cry’. As I grew up, I ended up stuffing my feelings deep inside and withdrawing emotionally. Unable to articulate my feelings, I bottled up all sorts of emotions. So, when traumatic events resulted in my mental health taking a massive tumble, I hadn’t developed the habit of opening up and talking about my problems. And I also had a huge block with tears, feeling like they just proved I was weak.

We all know that if you put a lid on a boiling pot, eventually the contents will rise to the top and spill over. Well, human emotions are no different. If we push our feelings down and try to avoid them, eventually, they will explode out more fiercely than ever.

In more recent years, I have learnt to embrace tears. Crying works as a mechanism that allows us to release stress and emotional pain. Now, when I feel the need to cry, I try to let the tears flow without self-judgement and imagine them washing away the sorrow and pain. As challenging as it may be, it’s important to allow yourself to cry if you feel like it.

Because it’s much harder to let down this guard in front of others and have a good cry, I recommend finding a safe space to cry and choosing a movie to cry along with. I have one movie that I know will get the tears flowing when I’m feeling a bit blocked, which helps me reset.

When are tears a problem?

It’s important to recognise that there are times when crying can be a sign of a problem, especially if it happens very frequently and/or for no apparent reason, or when crying begins to affect daily activities, or you simply can’t seem to stop.

Conversely, certain kinds of clinical depression may result in a person not being able to cry, even when they feel like it.

In any of these situations, it would be best to see a medical professional for evaluation and treatment.

Written by Tim Mehrtens, Director at My Everyday Wellbeing, this article has been kindly shared by the team. My Everyday Wellbeing is an award-winning programme providing comprehensive wellbeing support for businesses, their people and their whānau. To explore how they can help enhance the health and wellbeing of your team, contactinfo@myeverydaywellbeing.com.